A New Season Approaches...

It has been way too long, dear friends! Way too long! I realized recently that I was so dedicated to keeping this blog up-to-date while I was in India but I have been atrocious at doing so since I returned. I think I've mistakenly believed that following God overseas is more exciting and more noteworthy somehow than writing about daily life in the States. BUT, I see and hear from God here in the US too. Why is that not worthy of testimony and praise? Sad commentary on my prior state of mind. Very sad commentary indeed.

As such, I'm going to endeavor to more actively share what God is doing in/through my life here. Maybe this can be more of a testimony to God's faithfulness and unchanging nature no matter where we reside or what our current occupation. I firmly believe that the Lord can move and speak to stay-at-home moms, students, missionaries, pastors, and mechanics. We should all have testimonies of His goodness as witnessed and experienced in our lives. So, let's share them! The world needs to see that our God is alive. He's moving in Bemidji. He's working in the US. He's working in India and Africa. He's working in and speaking to me and you. Praise be to His name!

Quick update: In 13 hours, I will officially be moving to Fargo, ND. I have accepted an RN position at a nursing home/rehabilitation center there and I'm really excited about it. Just today, the Lord also opened up a door for me to get involved in the lives of international students there too! And, of course, Charle's will be close by.

Tonight, after a slew of good-byes, I feel as though I'm finally just sitting still and staring at a sunrise on the horizon. I have no idea what the day will bring. This season will undoubtedly have its opportunities, blessings, challenges, and growth just as every season before it. But all I know right now is that the colors God has painted this horizon are gorgeous and I trust in His creative beauty.

The sunset on this season has been splendid indeed. My darling Bemidji friends, you are part of me. Thank you for your encouragement, your love, your laughter, and all the Lord has taught me through you.

Stateside Living :-)

A long awaited hello to you all! There have been a million times (and that is BARELY an exaggeration!) that I have thought about sitting down to write a blog but alas, life gets crazy and my creativity and motivation go down the tubes all too quickly. The greyish cloudy afternoon has, however, given me some time to sit down and reflect, relax, apply for some nursing jobs, and even write a blog entry. :-)

Since arriving back in the US, life has been good, but challenging. I was convicted to further simplify my life (nothing like dragging around a suitcase for a month to bring that conviction! :-)) so I've been working toward the goal of fitting EVERYTHING I own (no storage units or leaving things at my parents... that would be cheating! :-)) into my car. I estimate that I can fit about 6 boxes and a suitcase, so I have quite a lot of dwindling to do. The process is going well, and I'm realizing some things along the way. One of these lessons has been that even though I have never thought of myself as being attached to possessions or material things, I have still accumulated much more than I need or even want to have. Part of the reason for this accumulation has been my attachments to possessions as memories of people. As I mulled this over with the Lord, I found myself wondering why I associate people so strongly with things. I want that to break. I want to live free of the bondage of stuff so that if the Lord tells me to move tomorrow, I can pack up what I have and be on the road without hindrance. I'm excited to learn to live this out more fully!

In addition to life simplification, I have enjoyed a trip to Devil's Lake, ND with my second family- Shar, Jenn, and Charle's, had the opportunity to share about India at Calvary Lutheran Women's Bible study, engaged in a number of deep discussions over coffee, especially with my delightful friend Dana, and found some time to actually be still and know that He is God. Here are a few pictures for your enjoyment:

Dana and me spicing up Bemidji

My second fam

Me and Charle's

Sometime in the next few days, I'll post more about what the Lord has been speaking to me in the last month. I'm looking forward to sharing! Blessings to you all!

Deeper Things

You have now completed the novel otherwise known as my month in Kolkata. Yet, despite completing the chronicling of events and relationships, I find it so vastly lacking that I can hardly describe it as complete.

I have traveled to a number of nations and met a multitude of people groups . I have had incredible experiences and observed heart-breaking things, but no trip- and I mean NO trip- has never messed with me like this one has. A week after coming back, I still have no idea how to tell this story. I am ruined for things as usual. What that means, I'm still not certain about, but something has changed in my heart and I cannot go back. Truth be told, I don't want to.

My mind reels with memories of the smiles of beautiful children, dying women, and stray dogs. My friends. The hospital. The smells. The emotions. There is so much wrapped into this month that cannot be expressed in words. I wish that you all could have come with me and seen it for yourselves.

I continue to covet your prayers as I seek the Lord's wisdom regarding how to share this experience with people here in Bemidji. I know that I'm in a wonderful position to make India and its people seem just a little bit closer to home and I certainly don't want to waste that opportunity. I must also confess that I really struggle much more with reverse culture shock than I do with adjusting to being abroad, so I desperately need the Lord's help to remember that He has a purpose for me here and that I can live life just as intensely and purposefully here in the US.

Thank you for your support, prayers, and encouragement. The Lord graciously granted me health, protection, companionship, discernment, and opportunities in response to your faithful prayers! Please continue to keep up with me and don't forget to let me know what you're up to and how I can be praying for you!

India Wrap-Up

It has now been 5 days since I returned to the United States. These 5 days have been filled with all varieties of feelings and thoughts and before I truly start moving on to what the Lord has next for me in this nation, I want to take the time to put those summarizing thoughts and feelings on "paper"-- well, a computerized version. :-) I also want to take the opportunity to thank you just once more for your prayers, for taking your valuable time to walk the Kolkata journey with me, and for your continued interest in hearing stories and insights that the Lord brought from my time in India. Your support is more of a blessing than I could ever express verbally.

My last blog posting was rather abbreviated in favor of boarding my airplane, but I would like to take the time now to share about my last few days in India. I was hoping that I would have been able to keep you updated more regularly during those last few days, but alas, the internet was down at the volunteer centre. I had to snicker about this because when I asked Orijeet and Philip about why the internet was down when we actually had electricity, Philip laughingly informed me that Kolkata's internet companies don't want to pay for/hang their own wiring, so they steal the wiring from the phone companies. When the phone companies find this, they cut the wires and tada- no internet. From my western cultural perspective, I find this wire battle quite amusing. Apparently there is no such thing as forming a partnership and legally wire sharing. There is only stealing and splicing. :-)

All this to say, no internet meant no blog updating, so now that I'm in the US and the internet wires remain in tact, without further ado, the play-by-play of my last 4 days in Kolkata...

On my last Saturday in Kolkata, I spent the morning working at the ICCU. After this, Sushma and I went on a quick shopping trip for some Indian gold. She assured me that we could be back by 2:30 so that I could go on an errand to get nurse charting system supplies with Erica and Orijeet. We, of course, did not make it back until 3:30, but in typical India form, Erica and Orijeet had not yet left, so I joined them on the run to Big Bazaar under the promise that we would be back by 5 so that I could join Sushma, Richard, and Sudip for the dinner party they had scheduled for me. :-) Of course, we were an hour late for this commitment, but I did finally make it to hang out with them and Sudip's work friends and they took me to the place in Kolkata where you would take anyone from America- KFC. :-D I had to laugh. I never eat at KFC in the States! But it was so sweet of them! After dinner, Sudip bought me and Sushma red heart "I love you" balloons and we walked next to two men with monkeys on chains. There is no where like Kolkata.
On Sunday, I enjoyed another wonderful day at church. Both services were celebrating "Mission Sunday" and were hosting missionaries from Laos as the guest speakers. I was so convicted by the message that morning. The father/husband of the family made the point that guilt and obligation will only drive you so far in your relationship with the Lord and your work for the kingdom of Christ. You must have passion and zeal to fuel you onward. This passion and zeal is what I have needed more of in recent days and it was good to have that time to ask the Lord to renew that which I had been lacking.

Monday, I spent the morning organizing at ICCU. This morning was difficult for me as I watched a scene I hope to never experience again in my lifetime. There was a 4-year old boy that had been brought into the ICCU that morning with complications related to bacterial meningitis. About an hour after he had been moved to the unit, I saw a number of doctors strolling into his room, many of them casually and lightheartedly talking on cellphones. Though a number of doctors were present, the scene in no way resembled what I later found out that it was: A code. The 4-year old had crashed. Two doctors were doing CPR with the other doctors talking on their phones and standing around. It took over 4 minutes before someone brought the defibrillator and by that time, it was too late. The small boy died. On top of this, the doctors and nurses left the room without closing the boy's now vacant eyes, leaving the door open for all who walked by to view him and the heart monitor to sound the alarm characteristic of his lifelessness.

After this somewhat traumatic morning, Erica and I prepared to visit the School of Nursing for the afternoon. We were given a tour, introduced to the instructors, and allowed to teach a class to the 2nd and 3rd year nursing students on infection control. This was an interesting experience, as students in India learn only through rote memorization, note-taking, and lectures. Our attempts to engage them in discussion were met with a bit of confusion and resistance at first, but eventually, we had a great class period with them!

Tuesday was my last full day in Kolkata. In the early morning, Orijeet took several of us to see the food program that the Assemblies of God church sponsors. This program delivers food every AM at 5:30 on the outskirts of Kolkata and feeds 25,000 people per day. At each food stop, the truck unloads HUGE buckets of rice to the local staff people and moves onward, eventually finishing by returning back along the same path to pick up the empty buckets. Orijeet explained to me that most of the people fed through this program will eat nothing more than this one meal of rice all day long. Along the route, we stopped at one of the villages and met some of the people. They were absolutely delightful. The rural area was far more beautiful, but Orijeet said that the gorgeous greenery was due to the excessive fertilization of garbage and sewage. Not quite as picturesque as it first seemed, is it?
When we returned from the feeding program, I took a short nap and then went to surgery to say good-bye to my nursing friends there and then spent the rest of the morning finishing my part in our organization of the ICCU. I was glad to be able to have the opportunity to say good-bye to the ICCU nursing supervisor and also the best ICCU doc, Dr. Harold. In the afternoon, I had a wonderful chat with Philip about his village in Orissa, gave a new volunteer, Robin, a tour of the hospital, and finished the ICCU organization. I then went over to Sushma's house to say good-bye to Richard and his father before they left for their village in Darjeeling. After their departure, Sushma and I made our way to Guriahat for some henna painting. For $4 and one hour of time, two men hand-painted my hands and wrists with henna. They are so talented! The challenge for me came in keeping their work in good condition while making my way through a crowded market and throwing myself on to a moving auto rickshaw without the use of either hand. Sushma found the adventure quite humorous. :-) I did manage to return to her house with minimal damage, where Sush and I had a last celebration with Sudip. I left them with tokens of love and appreciation (Bibles and some American goodies) and said my tear-filled good-byes, all the while hoping that I will be able to return to this land and these friends another day.

The completely reorganized crash cart. Beautiful. :-)

After good-byes with Sushma and Sudip, I was overwhelmed with gratefulness to complete my time in Kolkata with a worship session with Midhuna, Rachel, Janna, and Erika. I have never before been so blessed in fellowship with the Lord and my sisters in Christ. Our prayer time and the time we had to simply weep before the Lord for the lost and the broken in this city were irreplaceable.

Wednesday morning I got up bright and early and left my Kolkata home with my lovely friends Midhuna, Rachel, and Philip and our delightful driver Bablu. As we drove the roads to the airport, passing the cleverly rhymed sign "Don't be rash and end in crash", I could hardly believe how quickly the time had passed and how much I had grown to love and care for this city and its people. God-willing, I will be back someday.

All good things must come to an end...

Hello dear family and friends.

I am currently sitting in the Dubai airport awaiting my flight to London Gatwick, where I will have a quick visit with three of my British friends and then return to the States on the night of the 28th. I cannot believe my time in India is over already. Time is a funny thing. In some ways it can seem to drag on and on forever and at other times, it feels like you blink and a season has passed.

The last few days in India were wonderful, although they were also very busy. I worked steadily in the ICCU with Erica to bring organization prior to my departure. We also had the wonderful privilege of teaching one of the classes of 2nd and 3rd year students at the school of nursing. The time was brought to a beautiful completion last night by getting mahindi once again with Sushma, having a party with her and her boyfriend Sudip, and then having a worship/prayer time with some of my fellow volunteer friends. I've grown to love these people, and even as I leave, I am asking the Lord for another opportunity for our paths to cross. If the Lord opened the door to return to India, I'd be on the plane in a heartbeat.

My boarding announcement is floating over the intercom, so I should wrap this up for the time being. I will write more about my last few days in India and post-reflections on the month when I return home, but I thank you once again for your continued prayers and I will look forward with sharing more indepth with many of you face-to-face.

I have no creativity for a title...

Lame start to this blog entry, I know. When you cannot even come up with a decent title, that should be a hint that you should find another time to blog when the creative juices are just a little more active. :-) And yet, here I am still typing. This post may require a "bear with me" warning... :-)

So, here's an update on the last two days. Whitney and I got up early on Thursday am to have chai with Tanu and her boyfriend Manoj before they left to visit their family. It was such a blessing to be with them and hear their story. Their relationship is so beautiful to me. Manoj has been a chef in Paris for the last 3 years. This is the first time that Tanu has seen him in that three years. So many people try to discourage their relationship by telling Tanu that she shouldn't trust Manoj being so far away for so long with all the french girls, but lo and behold, she trusts him. And boy does he love her. When she talks, his eyes are fixed on her. He treats her with gentleness and respect. He listens to her and respects her feelings. Such a strong relationship. I have learned a lot just through the short amount of time I have observed them. Here is a picture of our time:

Anyway, that was a bit of a bunny trail. All that to say, great tea/coffee date with the two of them. After that, we headed back to Hope House and I spent the morning working with Orijeet and Philip to develop a general schedule of volunteering for future nurses and nursing teams coming to Mercy Hospital. That task now has a lovely line drawn through it on my "to-do" list. :-) Blessed completion.

In the afternoon, another volunteer, Erica, and I had the wonderful privilege of giving a nursing education seminar to the nursing supervisors and a school of nursing instructor at the hospital. As I have posted in previous entries, the infection control procedures that are practiced here are occasionally... well.... not quite up to par according to western standards. Not only is the choice of surgical footware a problem, but syringes are used to poke patients multiple times before they are thrown away. Pressure is placed on spurting arteries without gloves. I have seen ABGs taken without disinfecting the skin. Handwashing is practiced when coming on the shift only and no disinfection is available throughout the wards. Uncapped, used syringes are carried around the wards. Where do we start in infection control teaching, one might ask? Well, Erica and I devised a powerpoint of information on infection control, but as I suspected, the nurses were well aware of the theory. It is the implementation that is the problem, and that problem has many facets. The supervisors informed us that administration has asked them to reduce the use of syringes and catheters (foleys stay in for 15 to 21 days here... you don't even want to know the rate of UTIs) due to patient complaint. It seems that patients are not educated regarding infection transmission and are complaining about too many syringes or pairs of gloves being charged to their bill. This is truly what we consider a "catch 22". The hospital cannot really afford to pay for gloves and syringes (as with other charities, their funding is also down this year) and just to give you an example of the financial state of some of their patients, I heard a story yesterday of a father who makes his very ill son with thalassemia walk 5 miles back and forth to get his blood transfusions because their family cannot afford the 10 rupees to take the bus (10 rupees is 20 cents). The challenge now: How do we raise the standard of infection control without raising the cost of healthcare for the poorest of the poor? Please pray for wisdom for those that will be left to sort all of this out.

After giving our presentation, I spent a half hour with Sushma and Richard before Sush went home to rest. We were supposed to go shopping on Thursday and again today, but yesterday, Whit and I had too much going on and today Sush wasn't feeling well. We're aiming for tomorrow now. Either way, after hanging out with her, I went with 5 of the other volunteers to take pictures on the roof of the hospital. Here are a couple for your viewing pleasure:

Midhuna (US), Rachel (Canada), Whitney (US), Janna (US), and me (Erica from Germany is taking the picture)

Whitney and me

After getting in trouble from Orijeet because of the potential danger of us falling off the ledge and into the street below, we headed out to dinner at an Indian restaurant named "Tamarind" to celebrate Whitney's last night in Kolkata. I loved the spicyness level of this place! My lips were aflame by the end. (and I got to try fish eye... can it get any better than this?? :-)) Janna and Midhuna were struggling a little more. :-)

Following our amazing dinner and being able to sing "Happy Birthday" to an elderly Indian woman in the middle of the restaurant, we headed out for chai and paan. Paan is this weird concoction of nuts, dried cherries, oil, spices galore, mint, and fig rolled into a beetle leaf. You stick the whole thing into your mouth and chew. You're supposed to spit most of it out and swallow a small amount that apparently helps maintain a healthy digestive system. I can honestly say that I would be perfectly fine to go the rest of my life never having this again. Rachel and Whit agreed.
After that horrible taste residing in our mouth, we made a rapid stop for chai and then headed off to our house. Since then, I've been productivity central. You know, I hate to admit it, but I think in some ways, my dad knows me better than I think he does. There is a part of me that is an administrator at heart. When I came to this hospital, I greatly enjoyed working with patients and just being a blessing to the nurses. I still do. That's a part of who I am. I want to be next to the patient holding his/her hand as he/she gets poked for an IV (all 8 times... *grins*) But another part of me looks at the whole picture, evaluates what is working and what is not, and wants to work toward what can be improved. It's who I've been created to be. But sometimes, these two sides of me conflict. I like to critically think through issues and work toward lasting change. That's the administrative part of me. But I love people and knowing them and being with them. And that's the part of me that just wants to be a nurse caring at the bedside of patients forever. These last few days, I've struggled with my administrative role here because I don't get to see patients firsthand. I feel disconnected from some of their suffering. It's hard to explain, but this week has been a different world from my experiences at Kalighat. There's little emotional connection with administration, but if I'm gifted at it, maybe it's part of why I'm here and it can be a blessing after I leave for the glory of God.

I cannot believe that I only have 4 full days left in Kolkata. This time has flown by and yet I have so much yet to accomplish in these last several days that it makes my head spin!! :-) I must say that I love it here. I love that people smile. I love their hospitality and generousity. I love the children. Sometimes I walk down the street or work in the hospital and think "I could live here for the rest of my earthly life." But other times, like tonight, I'm thankful to be going back. Erica and I took this sweet little girl who is visiting here from Manipur, India (long story) out to hot chocolate. While we were sitting there, a little boy was sitting outside and kept looking in the window making motions that he was hungry. As someone who wants to live exemplifying Jesus, what am I to do with this? Just ignore it? Pray for him? Give him something? Well, I had to go up and pay our bill at the counter, so I just bought two packages of cookies, opened them, and gave them to the boy when we walked outside. (There are a huge number of exploited children around here who are "hired" by adults and given a commission on what they make from begging. Opening the packages prevents resale.) As I suspected, we ended up with three of his friends emerging from the shadows and following us to beg for money for food within 2 seconds of the handover. This type of situation just makes me angry. Maybe it shouldn't, but the art of begging here has made it such that you cannot help the multitudes that are really in trouble. Thousands of children live on the streets here. And all of these children we came across tonight (the oldest no more than 11) may be among them. But you have no way to know. And you're left feeling helpless and confused about how to be generous and yet wise and discerning at the same time.

Oh India. You are beautiful, but you need Jesus to soak into every corner and crevice of you. And so do I. Lord, grant us your generousity and discernment to do your will rightly. Fill us anew with your Spirit this day to do whatever task you put our hands to in a way that is worthy of you.

The Clock is Going TOO Fast!

There is one thing in my life (besides the Lord Himself) that has remained consistent through the years... good-byes. I must confess that I loathe them with every fiber of my being. I have yet to understand how you can love people deeply and not feel like a part of your very heart is ripped out every time you say good-bye. When I left for India, I said good-bye for a month to people that I treasure (and even good-bye for two months to a certain someone whom I have missed every day since then.... you know who you are :-)). I know it's only a month or two, but tears were definitely still shed and my heart still hurt. And now I'm facing my last 6 days in India and I'm preparing myself for that same wounding. I guess this is one of those areas where I deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Him on the pilgrimage.

Over the last few days, I have had the tremendous privilege to get to know some very special people. In my last post, I told you I had spent the evening getting mahindi done with Sushma and her cousin Richard. (By the way, here is the picture that I promised you of the mahindi. It is typically only done on Indian brides, so I've had many nurses ask me when I'm getting married. :-) Because mine turned out really dark in color, Sush and Tenu promise me that according to their tradition, I will have a very good husband. Good to know. :-))

Pretty sweet, huh? This took a man in the middle of the street between 5-10 minutes to paint and it lasts about 2 weeks. It cost 80 cents. I'm going to have a lot more done before I come home, so you Bemidjians will be able to see it firsthand. :-)

Anyway, onward we go. After that Monday pm with Sushma and company that I last blogged about, we made plans to include my dear fellow volunteer Whitney in our plans for Tuesday pm to go shopping. We had a great time together. First of all, we went back to Sushma's apartment and I got to talk with Richard and his friend Abinoi while Sushma and Tanu got ready. Abinoi works at a call centre for HP in Kolkata so it was really fun to talk with him about how he's been trained in US geography prior to answering phones. He even knew where Minnesota was and that we have lots of lakes. Most people here ask me if Minnesota is close to New York or Los Angeles, the two places they have heard of in the US.

After we had chai and Sushma had painted our nails (only one hand though- you eat with your right hand so you don't paint the nails on that hand), we headed out. I must begin the chronicling of our adventure by simply stating that I love this culture. Everyone is so openly affectionate. Both men and women walk down the streets holding hands with their same gender friends. I, as a definitive physical touch sort, was made for this place. All this to say that Sushma grabbed my hand and Tanu grabbed Whit's and off we went on our journey through the streets in search of a cellphone for me and whatever other shopping we happened to come across. Whit and I tried on some salwar kameez at one store and got fashion advice from Tanu, Richard, and Sush. A good time was had by all.

Following the shopping extravaganza and my excitement over being in India during the release of the newest Fanta flavor- Apple, (I always have to try the different Fanta flavors in each country I visit) Whit and I took our Indian friends to a piece of America- aka Pizza Hut. They were so cute. Tanu and Richard commented on how funny it was to eat with silverware. (Most Indians eat solely with their fingers.) They were great sports though, even willingly ringing the bell as we left to congratulate Pizza Hut on their fine service. :-) We enjoyed wonderful fellowship and laughter, discussing Richard's desire to get married on Mount Everest with oxygen masks and white girls trying to dance. SO much fun.

Following dinner, we went back to the apartment, all the while making sure that we evenly shared the shopping bags. Tanu generously loaned me her extra SIM card for her cellphone so that I can use it while I'm here to communicate with her and Sushma. :-) Such giving and hospitable friends. Lord Jesus, you have so much to teach me about this kind of generousity and sacrificial love.

Tonight, Whit and I went back to their apartment to have a party with them. When we got there, we spent some quality time with Richard and Sushma's boyfriend, Sudip, while Sush got ready and Tanu and her boyfriend Manoj finished shopping. When they returned, they had bought chicken kabob, a variety of Indian snacks, and wine for the event. The giving never ends... We had a wonderful evening looking at pictures of Manoj's creations. (He's a chef in France who is originally from India and is currently back visiting Tanu... they promised me an invitation to their wedding!) Here is a picture of the festivities. (minus Richard, our ever faithful camera man)

The time with these friends has been the most precious part of these last couple of days. I have so enjoyed getting to know local people and learning about the culture by simply being their friends. I will treasure them, and these memories forever. I want to soak up every possible moment I have in their company and every opportunity I have to invest in their lives before next Wednesday when I depart for England again.

Apart from being with my friends and enjoying getting to know the other volunteers here, I have seen more surgeries (a septoplasty was the highlight- I NEVER want that done to me!) and this morning, I spent a couple of hours in the ICCU. It was a strange day. Another patient I worked with last week expired and the family of a woman that I prayed for last week came in to remove the ventilator. It was very different to see that experience happen here with 30 family members crowding the ICCU. When she was removed from the ventilator, they were allowed to wheel her down on a stretcher to the ground floor of the hospital where more relatives were waiting to see her last moments. Never quite seen anything like this before.

Erica, a student nurse from Germany, arrived yesterday and she and I are working on quickly getting a nurse education session together for nurse supervisors tomorrow and nursing staff/students early next week before I leave. It's going to be quite hectic these last 6 days, but I'm so excited for it.

In the midst of all of these life details, my testimony remains that the Lord Jesus is so good. I love Him and I love the places that following Him has taken me. I never would have guessed when I said "yes" to following Him 9 years ago that I would be in Kolkata, India right now. He is never predictable, which sometimes drives a planner like me nuts, but also makes me thankful for the mystery of blindly holding His hand and allowing Him to lead. He is trustworthy. His path may be laden with good-byes, but also beautiful places, people, and the constant company of the one and only faithful God.

The 10th Installment of India Adventures

Hi again, everyone! Thank you for faithfully keeping in touch with me and all that I have been doing. I cannot tell you how much I have appreciated and continue to appreciate your prayers and your support/encouragement during this time!

I last updated you on Friday and since then, not much has occurred. On Saturday, we spent the morning at Kalighat for the final time. I have to laugh about India because we were told to go to Mother Teresa's "Mother House" to get permission from the sister to take photos on our last day at Kalighat. We went early on Saturday morning to retrieve this permission form from the sister only to be told that we needed to write our names on a sign-up sheet the night before in order to receive the form. The sister was unwilling to bend on this rule, despite the lack of ever notifiying us about this rule and the small amount of time or effort that would have been involved in placing her signature on a form. I laugh about this situation because this is so typical of India as I have experienced it. There is little regard for rules that actually matter (ie. traffic laws, just trials, keeping sterile fields, etc.) but often, people are completely unwilling to bend on meaningless rules like permission forms.

Either way, we left "Mother House" without the permission forms and resigned ourselves to our lot. We headed off to Kalighat and were greeted excitedly by the sister who informed me that they had no other nurses that day. As such, Whitney helped me to do the vast majority of the dressing changes, including one on a woman with severe burns on her chest. I had watched the dressing change on her before and was overcome by heartache when I saw how much pain it caused her. I was so grateful for the Lord's mercy because this time, she cried far less. I'm honestly not sure I could have withstood her screams.

After Kalighat, we went back to Hope House (the place where we stay) and I spent the entire afternoon trying to get laundry done. NOT a quick process around these parts. I seriously think the people that wash clothes in the river have a more expedited process than our washer! It took me about an hour to get the washer to work and then it stopped every cycle and needed to be restarted. When it hit the spin dry cycle, it walked itself halfway across the room with all the vibration. It was quite the adventure. By 7 pm, I was very ready to go out to dinner with Joel, Candy, Baghita, and Whitney to celebrate the South Africans' (Candy and Baghita) last night in Kolkata. We had Chinese and Candy and Joel enjoyed chewing/spitting paan (a rather strange mix of mint, spices, dried cherries, nuts, and fig all rolled up in a banana leaf), which I will definitely need to try before I leave. We then returned to the Guest House at the hospital for a movie night before bed.

Sunday was a terrific day. I went to church at 10:30 AM and again to a youth service at 6 pm at the Assemblies of God church that is affiliated with the hospital. I LOVE this church. It reminds me in many ways of other churches that I have been to overseas, ones that I miss terribly when I am in the States. (no offense E. Free friends. It's just different!) There is about an hour of worship time and an hour worth of testimonies and a sermon. I was so thankful for this time. Sometimes I catch myself just going through the motions with the Lord. I take time to read the Bible and I check it off my list of things to do. I take time to pray and I cross it off the list. In the midst of my routine, I lose the passion and fire and freshness in my relationship with God. More than anything the last few weeks, I have just longed to encounter Him again. This Sunday was an answer to that prayer. The Lord spoke a number of things to me during the service that I truly needed to hear. In addition to this, seeing the youth and the leadership in this church gives me hope for the Lord's continued work and glory in India. Many are so passionate about Jesus and truly seem to be people of integrity. A good combination if there ever was one.

I was saddened, however, to hear on Sunday that a patient whom I really connected with in the ICCU passed away this week. She was actually discharged a week ago and gave me her address so I could write to her from the States. She was one patient I've cared for here who actually spoke quite a bit of English. I got the privilege of praying with her, reading the Word to her, and even meeting her daughter. I was sad to hear of her unexpected passing, but so grateful to know that she's with the Lord. Again, I felt thankful to have been in India during this time, even if it was only for those moments I had with her in the last week of her life on earth.

Now it is the start of another week and I'm sure that the Lord will have plenty in store! This morning, I was able to watch a hysterectomy and an open cholecystectomy in surgery. In the afternoon, I gave a hospital tour to a new volunteer and worked on some administrative stuff relative to the organization of the ICCU. This is the medical supply storage area (if only the photos could display the way that everything is haphazardly thrown into the drawers!). Think a little help might be in order?

Tonight was definitely the highlight of the day. I went with Sushma, one of the surgical nurses, to her house just a bit down the street from the hospital. There we met up with her friend Tanu who introduced me to fried fish eggs and homemade mango chutney. I also met her cousin, Richard, (who introduced me to masala flavored chips) and Sushma taught me how to make Indian chai properly. (you'll all have to come and visit to test my skills! :-)) Then Sushma and Richard took me on the tram (quite an experience in and of itself) to a market to get mahindi done on my hand. It looks SO sweet. I'll take pictures tomorrow and post them for you! :-) Afterward, we took a taxi back, got stuck in a ridiculous amount of traffic while we waited for the governor to go through an intersection, and then we had chai and biscuits with Tanu and Sushma's boyfriend, Soudip. It was truly a wonderful night laughing with new friends. I then returned to Hope House and joined the rest of the volunteers for a Bollywood movie (with English subtitles... hallelujah!) :-)

Praise the Lord for His goodness, whether we are in India, the US, the UK, Tanzania, or wherever else you may be. His faithfulness sustains us and His love endures forever. Let's love Him with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength this week! May He be our single-hearted passion!

Chronicles of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday

Hello everyone! I'm so thankful that you are keeping up with my time in Kolkata! It helps me feel like you are on the journey with me, and I truly love that!

The last few days have been crazy! My last post brought you up to speed through Tuesday. Wednesday morning, I went to Kalighat again. Still heartbreaking, but somehow, it gets easier. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. I sat with one woman, Meenu Das. She was refusing to eat. One of the sisters kept trying to get her to drink but she refused. When the sister told her that she will die if she does not eat or drink, Meenu Das told her that she wants to die. My heart just fell to pieces. She's maybe 40 years old and so thin. I'm sure she's in constant pain. She does not have the strength to keep herself in a chair, so the sisters use what resources allow- they tie her into the chair with a scarf. Sometimes the knot gets so tight and she sinks so low that she cries out in pain from the restraints. If I were in the same situation, I can guarantee I'd be asking the Lord to take me home in short order. Another woman there, Mina Das, has been one whom I've sat with several times. She needs help eating and she has some wounds that require bandaging so I have interacted with her often. On Wednesday, a doctor from Kolkata and a doctor visiting from the States examined her to try to determine why she is wasting away. They both feel that it is either from TB or HIV. Not a fun way to end your life here. I'm continuing to pray that they encounter the Lord before they depart.

After Kalighat, I came back and worked on some administrative stuff here. In addition to my role working as a nurse at the hospital and volunteering at Kalighat, I have been asked to devise a general schedule for future nurses arriving here as well as compile pre-arrival information for nurses and a management plan for better organization of the nursing wards. All that to say, I spent some time on Wednesday afternoon jotting down some thoughts about those areas. At 4:30 pm, Rachel came upstairs and told Whitney and I that we had to plan a whole day's worth of activities to do with the kids the next day (explanation in next paragraph) and let Philip (one of our coordinators) know what we were doing before 5 pm. I love last minute. I'm so flexible. *grins* We worked up a little spontaneous plan and at 5 pm, we (Rachel, Whitney, Midhuna, and I) clued Philip in on the plan and then left for the movie theatre to see a Bollywood movie (all in Hindi). It was a relatively predictable movie so I understood most of it without even speaking the language. :-) While we were there, we also enjoyed tomato chili/cheese popcorn and samosa! Yum!

Thursday, I began the day with devotions at the hospital where Pastor Joshua talked about the fear of the Lord. I need so much more of that in my life! I still struggle to understand the Lord's love for me, but I've contemplated the aspect of God as my friend far more than I've contemplated what it is to fear the Lord who makes the mountains melt like wax before Him! Pastor Joshua made the point that "the day we lose the fear of the Lord, we are lost. Everything becomes routine. On the whole, we are far too casual with God." Bulls-eye. It's true. I am far too casual with God. It's too easy to talk about "how God led me" or "what God spoke to me" or even who God is. I should speak of all of the above with a bit of fear and trepidation. Should I even contemplate obeying Him? For the love-- He is GOD!!! He is not JUST my friend. He is the Creator. His is the name that is above every other name. All this to say, my prayer for us today is that we would know the fear of the Lord, which is the BEGINNING of wisdom. All remaining wisdom stems from this heart attitude and understanding.

After devotions, I left with a small group for a few hours at a program called Stars. It is an offshoot program affiliated with the hospital where children from the slums are taken to a building where they are fed and taught school for free. We had a chance to sing and dance with the kids, teach them a Bible story, and simply love them and give them a chance to practice their English. :-) Their "school" was directly across the street from a neighborhood sewer and the small number of lightbulbs that illuminated the inside of the building lasted about a half hour before the power was cut off, but the experience was wonderful. The kids are so sweet. They all call us "Aunty" and every one of them wanted his/her picture taken.

The children made the sign for "I love you" and used it as a handshake to greet us! :-)

Beautiful eyes.
These kids are so gorgeous!

Praying for their lunch.

So happy to take pictures!

We came back from Stars in the afternoon and Whitney, Rachel, Janna, and I decided to go on an adventure to a large local market nearby. This market, called New Market, contains EVERYTHING. And I mean everything! Goats. Chickens. Scarves. Shoes. Fruit. Jewelry. Clothes. You name it, they've got it. It had a smell similar to the Beltrami County Fair, but all in all, it was a GREAT time. When you first go to an eastern country market, you first feel as though you are in the midst of a feeding frenzy. Every man surrounds you and wants to guide you to his store for a "great price, sister". Not to be cynical, but come on! I'm a white female from the US. You're not going to give me a great price at all! :-) Anyway, once we managed to escape some of our "market guide" stalkers, we got to the market experience that I DELIGHT in. We got to go from shop to shop and sit down with the men, have chai, and talk to them about their lives. I spent over an hour talking with a Muslim man named Alim. Another man named Lucky "Pepsi" was also a delight to talk with. I love eastern culture for this reason. Shopping equals long periods of time in conversation and developing a relationship. Seriously love it.

This morning, we got up at 4:55 AM so that Orijeet and Bablou (one of the drivers for the hospital whom we LOVE) could take us to a local slum. To be honest, the majority of the city is very poor to me, so I wasn't sure if a slum could be that much worse than what I see day-in and day-out. I don't think I truly took it all in. I cannot really wrap my head and heart around the fact that people work long hours to make $1 or $2 per day and live like the people I saw today. My sense of justice and fairness says that if you work hard, you should be able to make enough money to provide for your family. But, this is not the case in many countries around the world, India certainly being one of them. I looked at those beautiful faces and was humbled by the realization once again that "this could have been me. I could have been born into this." Lord, what do I do with all of this??!??!

After seeing the slums and a lesson in Hindu idols by Orijeet (they make clay statues of their gods and throw them into the river in Kolkata, which is an offshoot of the Ganges river. Because the Ganges is considered holy, Hindus believe that any river connected to it helps the gods get back up to heaven) we stopped for chai at a local shop. I am SO going to miss this! I could drink 52 cups of this every day and I am barely kidding! It's incredible!

We got back to the volunteer centre where we stay (it's called Hope House and it's about 1/2 a block away from the hospital) and tried to go back to sleep for a bit, but it was futile. SO, I had a long talk with Orijeet, saw pictures of his family, and then went to surgery. I saw a cleft palate surgery, an ORIF (open reduction internal fixation) of a fractured elbow, and a cataract removal. I enjoyed the surgeries, but I enjoy the staff there way more than the surgeries. I have become good friends with 4 of the staff in the surgical department. Let me introduce you...

Anfusa

Israel

Rebecca

Sushma

Sushma and I are planning on going shopping together next Sunday (the 20th). I'm pretty excited about that. These staff members are so wonderful. I wish you could all be here to meet them. Pretty sure you'd fall in love with them just as I have.

After surgery central, I spent some quality time with Whitney and Orijeet in the office talking about Indian culture. Some things I learned from Orijeet (and a few other tidbits about India/Kolkata that I've picked up over the last two weeks):

• Child marriages still happen, though not officially. Kids that are 4-6 years old are not unheard of. Sati, Hindu women throwing themselves/being thrown into their husband's funeral pyre (though illegal officially) also still occurs in places.
• The mothers of the groom traditionally do not come to the wedding.
• Hindu engagements can break up on the basis of a lack of astrological matching.
• There is a going dowry rate the woman's family pays to marry men with certain careers. The groom's family can demand property, money, possessions, etc. in order to bless the marriage.
• Widows are typically not allowed to attend weddings. It is thought that the woman's bad karma killed her husband, so she would only bring bad luck to the marriage.
• Everywhere you go there are talisman to ward off evil spirits. Seeds hanging from shop fronts. Posters of the Hindu gods. "Holy smoke". (Orijeet claims we stole that phrase as well as "Holy cow" from India. *grins*)
• Determing the sex of a child before it is born via ultrasound is illegal in India. If this practice were allowed, female children would be aborted. When a woman bears a female, the family is disappointed and believes it is the woman's sin that has cursed the family with a female (who will cost dowry to marry off, will not continue the family name, and will not provide care/security in old age).

After the discussion with Orijeet, Rachel, Whit and I set off to finish our shopping and find the post office so Whit could send her postcards. I think it's hilarious because nothing ever works normally in these countries. The post office is open until 5:45 pm to get stamps, but you cannot have your envelope endorsed (postmark) by the post office unless it is during the morning hours. (if you do not have it endorsed before placing it in the mailbox, people get into the mailboxes and steal the stamps to resell them). So, Whit got the stamps, was told to go over to another counter to get the postmark, and that counter told her that he could only postmark it in the morning. Mission not accomplished. Welcome to the third world system. Anyway, we did manage to finish our shopping and then Rachel wanted to try McDonald's new addition- chicken mcNuggets. Yes, I did say NEW addition. A little behind the times. So, we went in to order and they were, of course, out of chicken nuggets and they charged Whitney double despite her protests. *shakes head* What do you even say? :-) When we returned from dinner, Philip told us that McDonald's here has only recently reopened after blowing up. Yes, blowing up. Some think it was sabotaged. Some think there was some sort of gas leak. Either way, it blew up a few months ago and a poor soul outside faced death by McDonalds. Where are we???

Me, Orijeet, and Whitney

Now, I'm back updating my blog, trying to keep my lungs clear (I heard from one of the staff members here yesterday that one day in Kolkata is equal to smoking 5 cigarettes in terms of damage to your lungs... I guess these 17 million people and the astronomical number of cars with no emissions requirements really do a number on the atmosphere!), and thinking about bedtime before another early morning investigating a food distribution program organized by the hospital.

Whew... long update. If you're still reading, you really love me. Thanks for that. :-) I appreciate each of you and your continued prayers. God is at work!

And the Days Go By...

Life in India continues to roll on. It has now been more than one week since my arrival here in Kolkata. The last few days have been filled with a variety of activities. After I wrote the last post, I went in search of the two-headed man, but it turned out that he had left the hospital the night before (Discovery Channel videographers in tow) with no one managing to acquire a photo of him. None of the volunteers even saw him. Very sad. I'll be waiting for that Discovery Channel documentary to come out! :-)

After the unfruitful search, I spent some time with my roommates (whose names, just for reference, are/were Sarah, Rachel, Rebecca, Abby, and Whitney- Sarah and Abby have since left India) and then went to church for the second time. This service was the youth service and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I met a wonderful girl there named MingMa. She sat next to me for the whole service and we chatted on and off. At the end, she told me that she's actually Nepali and she's Buddhist, but she comes to church with her Christian friends. She and I had a great discussion and decided that we will continue it after lunch next Sunday! What a wonderful opportunity to invest in the life of someone who is so obviously receptive to the gospel. Calling all you prayerful friends to pray over that one. :-)

After church, I prepared myself for the next morning's agenda. Kalighat. The first time, as most of you have already read, was devastating. I've never felt so ill over something. I was quite honestly fearful to go back, but I knew that God had called me to invest there and I want to obey. So, Monday morning came and I made the walk to the van with a fellow nurse, a South African friend named Baghita, with an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach all the while reminding myself over and over again that the Lord is enough. Upon arrival at Kalighat, I was sad, but also relieved to see that the 14 year old girl with all the bedsores had passed away since Friday. After serving breakfast and helping with wiping mats down with bleach, I was again assigned to do dressing changes. More burns (try and imagine doing dressing changes on someone with a third degree burn that has no pain medication). Lots more pressure sores. People were just as horribly malnourished. But I didn't know how to feel when I left this time. I think that being in that kind of environment, you develop defense mechanisms to protect you from the reality of it as a way to survive. I cannot explain it any other way. On Monday, I again looked into the eyes of the women whose legs were nothing more than sticks. I heard their cries and saw their pain. But though it still affected me, I felt more numb to it. And I hate that. I don't ever want to lose the horror and disgust over what I've seen just so it's easier for me to keep going or because it's "common in India". I go back to Kalighat again tomorrow morning and Saturday morning. Please pray that the Lord will keep my heart soft, but also help me to do what He's called me to do.

After Monday AM at Kalighat (I'm there from 8-noon when I go), I spent Monday afternoon as well as the whole of my day today in ICCU. There is a 51-year-old woman named Kanak who has been in the ICCU for almost two months now. She had a left-sided stroke that left her paralyzed on her right side and unable to speak or eat. Her husband is dutifully and lovingly at her side every day, all day, but he is older and not physically able to care for her at home. She has two children who live far away and have little involvement in her care. India has a few nursing homes, but no insurance companies will pay for them and almost no family has the money to afford them. So Kanak sits in ICCU slowly dying of septicemia caused by preventable bedsores that are eating away at her back, her hips, and her ears because her husband has no strength to take her home and his company insurance will only cover her care if she remains in the hospital. Today, her husband came in and out of her curtained-off area (there are 6 ICU rooms that are private. The other two ICU rooms hold 8 patients each with curtains between each patient.) He made sure that I put cream on her deteriorating ears and lovingly stroked his wife's hair. I got teary as I thought about what it would be like to be in his shoes and have no option but to let his wife die. I will never complain about our US system again. Though there is much room for improvement in our own system, we have SO much to be thankful for!

I've made some ICCU observations over recent days that my nursing friends in the States might find interesting. These include:

1. No one, and I mean, NO ONE is given pain meds. Nothing oral. Nothing IV. No local anesthetics. Just a lot of screaming.
2. Meds are EVERYWHERE. In drawers. In boxes. All thrown together.
3. No one wears gloves unless the situation is absolutely dire. Even when blood is everywhere. In fact, locating gloves is even a challenge.
4. When you go to put in an IV, using the same syringe to poke the patient in 8 different places is completely normal.
5. No biohazard anything. Blood, urine, suction secretions, all dumped into normal garbage bags in large quantities next to patient beds.
6. Not uncommon to see patients have wrists and ankles tied to the beds. Apparently no legal problems with restraints.
7. WAY less paperwork and no such thing as triple checks or patient ID bands.
8. Since when does 150 mls of frozen plasma go into the patient in less than 5 minutes? Here it does.
9. Accuracy in IV insertion is overrated. Just stick the needle somewhere into the arm and then fish in and out about a 1000 times.
10. They have no alcohol wipes. Try and imagine a world without these! Everytime you need to stick anyone, you have to soak cotton in "spirits". :-)

Other tidbits:

• Have had some interesting and/or yummy food such as rajagoula (this weird playdough consistency white stuff soaked in sugar water... not my favorite), chai and samosa at a cute little place across the street, pizza hut (India version), Chinese at this restaurant called Marco Polo and some great unidentifiable vegetables that look like bean pods filled with seeds that look like very hard sweet corn... any ideas? :-)
• One of our volunteer coordinators, Orijeet (our other coordinator is named Philip, just for reference), brought his family to a special meal with our group last night. I fell in love with his wife and daughter, Oly and Nina. They promised to come back and visit again before I leave and I can hardly wait!!
• I watched a central line via femoral artery insertion today. It took 45 minutes and a lot of pain for the patient but it was finally inserted. However, nowhere on the chart did it say that the patient had dementia. An hour later, she pulled out the line on her own and bled EVERYWHERE. The doctor was less than excited.
• There is a 25-year-old patient in the ICCU with autoimmune hemolytic anemia. Her edema and ascites are so horrible that it is beyond the pitting edema stage and she is so yellow that one of the nurses said she was "the color of curry." :-)
• The doctors here are great. They work together in teams of 2-3 on most cases and they are very willing to explain things to me and allow me to assist them with central lines, suctioning, etc. They are very knowledgeable and I can completely understand why they are great doctors in the States too.
• It has been between 41 and 45 degrees celsius here the last few days. For those of you in fahrenheit, that range is between 105-114 degrees fahrenheit and that's without the heat index!
• I'm very excited because I have a new addition to my schedule. As of Friday, I get to go around with the chaplain, Joshua, and pray for patients in the morning after devotions. Though I have been praying for my own patients here, I've really wanted to pray alongside someone for the patients, so I'm really excited that this was set up.

God is so good, my friends. There are absolutely heartbreaking things about India. The millions of skinny, stray dogs on the street. People, including mothers with children, that are sleeping in the streets. Children that are exploited by rich Indians or westerners and taught to beg on commission. A horrible red light district littered with child prostitutes, many of whom have been sold into the sex trade from rural villages. A rising HIV and TB rate. Malnutrition. And every other effect of poverty you can imagine. But there are also beautiful things. People who smile at you when you meet their eyes. People who sit around charcoal grills and make food and talk and laugh into the wee hours of the morning. Children laughing and playing in the middle of the street. Chai and samosa and incredible spices. Hospitality. Beautiful people dressed in beautiful colors as they walk down the streets.

There is heartache, but there is also hope and joy and life. I'm praying that Jesus would invade this country and this culture with never-ending waves of His love and mercy. That His church here would love the lost and lay down their lives for the poor and suffering. That He would be made manifest to those who worship the empty four-armed "gods" at shrines on every street corner. He is Lord of India, whether people know and accept it or not. Praying that many will come to willingly and joyfully bow the knee to His Lordship.

I'll leave you tonight with a few quotes from Mother Teresa that have struck me over the past few days. May you be encouraged to love sacrifically as Christ has loved us- wherever you are today.

Without further ado, Mother Teresa.

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not there, I think the ocean would be less by that missing drop. We don't have to think in numbers. We can only love one person at a time- serve one person at a time."

"To know the problem of poverty intellectually is not to understand it. It is not by reading, taking a walk in the slums, admiring and regretting that we can come to understand it and discover what it has of bad and good. We have to dive into it, live it, share it."

And finally...

"Be faithful in little things, for in them our strength lies. We may not be able to give much but we can always give the joy that springs from a heart that is in love with God."

There is need everywhere. Maybe it's people who are starved for love rather than food or a listening ear rather than restored sight, but in each and every one of those situations, we can be the hands and feet and words and comfort of Christ. He is beautiful! Let's keep loving Him together, whether we are in India, the UK, the US, Tanzania, or wherever. In so doing, may our joy in Christ Jesus overflow into the lives of those around us! He is worthy!