Humbled by Pride

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (James 4:10)

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:4)

Have you ever had a time in your life when you knew that something was awry but you just couldn't put your finger on what it was? That feeling- in many ways- has described much of my last few months. Over the last couple of weeks, our good Father who disciplines us in order to produce a harvest of righteousness (Hebrews 12:9-11) has used various circumstances, conversations, and relationships to bring a stark diagnosis of my condition: I am filled with the insidious disease of pride.

As I have paid closer attention to my daily speech and analyzed my internal commentary, I have been forced to concede that I think way too highly of myself, trust in my gifts and strengths entirely too easily (and, in many ways, take credit for them!), and have absolutely no clue what it means to humble myself before the Lord! It seems that without my knowledge or permission, I have been brainwashed by the world, the flesh, and the devil into believing the lie of sufficiency and competency that I have been submersed in for so long! Someone make it stop!!

Our Lord had much to say about humility. Throughout his earthly life he was known to associate with societal rejects, small children, and rural folk- all of whom had little to boast of in Hebrew culture. Yet, it wasn't just that Jesus associated with people of low esteem. Though He was God, Philippians 2 tells us that Jesus humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross! He could be found bending down to wash the soiled feet of His disciples, being nailed to a cross as a ransom for his enemies, and tearfully accepting His Father's will no matter what the cost. He was among us as one that serves. The question I have had posed to me in recent weeks: Am I among the lost or the church as one who serves? Am I marked by that which most prominently marked my Rabbi?

Back in 2004, I was given a book called "Humility" by Andrew Murray. I read the book soon after and took extensive notes, but since then, I've thought very little about the oft ignored and all too illusive virtue of humility. I decided to re-read this great work last weekend and would delight in sharing some of the quotes that stood out to me (in some cases, they didn't just stand out! They hit me like a hammer!):

"Humility is the displacement of self by the enthronement of God. It is nothing but the disappearance of self in the vision that God is all."

"Being occupied by self, even amidst the deepest self-abhorrence, can never free us from self."

"Humility is the path to death, because in death, it gives the highest proof of its perfection."

"It is indeed blessed to be so free from self that whatever is said about us or done to us is lost and swallowed up in the thought that Jesus is all."

"Our humility is the Lord's care and work. Let us trustfully and joyfully accept all that humbles."

How should we know if we are living in humility or not? After considering this question, I have come to believe that prayerfulness/constant communication with God is one of the truest marks of authentic humility. Prayer is, in its essence, the exercise of dependence and helplessness. Jesus was in constant communion and connection with the Father. He did what the Father did and said what the Father said because He was emptied of Himself and completely relient upon his Abba. If we are not like-wise in consistent prayer, we certainly cannot claim that we understand our need or the depth of our insufficiency. I know I certainly don't.

Herein begins the journey downward into mysterious, elusive, and beautiful humility. About all I know at the onset is that God's kingdom is not like our American culture. At all. In Christ's kingdom, the first are last and the last are first. The poor find joy and the rich find woe. The child understands and the wise are frustrated.

Lord, bring me lower. Give me more bathrooms to clean, a few more insults to bear, and a whole lot of things that bend my knees before your throne. Whatever it takes, at all costs... humble me. Humiliate me. Protect me from the curse of compliments and the deceptiveness of giftedness. Free me from the poison of self and teach me to delight in nothingness so that you can be all.

"...Your will above all else, my purpose remains, the art of losing myself in bringing you praise..."

You alone are deliverer. You alone are king.

"...Empty me of the selfishness inside, every vain ambition and the poison of my pride..."